Miss Swiss Loves Swiss Miss

Switzerland is ungodly amazing. I thought that Colorado was beautiful but Interlaken was like Colorado on steroids. The rugged mountains erupt straight out of the ground and tower overhead, rustic Swiss chalets sit comfortably in the unnaturally flat valleys between the peaks, and the cool mountain air breezes down the slopes and across the twin lakes between which the town is nestled. I nearly didn't leave. The weather was a little mixed over the course of my stay but when the sun came out the mountains were spectacular and I got my first good chance to work on a tan. After six years of cubicle work my skin had taken on the same white, pale glow as the fluorescent lighting under which I sat. The second day there it poured, so it seemed perfect for white water rafting. The heavy rain had swelled the river and the water was running fast, which was excellent in my opinion, though probably not my mother's. Fun was had by all. Only one boat flipped; the one carrying the four Korean girls who didn't know how to swim. One of the girls silently, and with nary an attempted dog paddle, swept down the river and out of sight around a bend (causing much panic amongst the guides) but they all managed to get out safety. On a calmer part of the river, our guide tried to get everyone to grab the underside of a bridge we were sliding under. The intent was really just to knock you out of the boat but I got a firm grip on one of the girders and swung a leg up to steady myself. As I dangled upside down and watched the boat rapidly recede into the distance, a yell from the guide prompted me to let loose into the icy blackness below. Immediately, my body painfully reminded me that six years of sitting on my ass in front of a computer screen was not going to go unpunished. I'm still not sure if it was the coldness of the water or just the strain of the swim but BOTH of my calf muscles seized in a gripping charley horse. As I waited for the paralyzing pain to subside a memory of an old home movie went through my head: "Steven, you're a lifeguard, save yourself!!!" (thanks Jordan). All I can say is thank God for life preservers, cause I was useless. After a few seconds my muscles were once again under my control and I swam for the boat without incident. Now if you've ever in Interlaken be sure to stay in the Backpacks Villa hostel, which is possibly the best hostel on earth. Comfy beds, hot showers, free breakfast, and a free pass to a local spa. After a long, cold day of rafting that spa was sounding pretty good. Amy and I decided to go, expecting a hot tub and maybe a nice pool. We were ill prepared for the unearthly Eden-like wonder of heavenly delights that tantalized the skin and salved the soul. Instead of opening the door to a mortal "spa" we instead swung open the gates to a parallel universe, where taming of the weary flesh is a way of life and every forbidden sin was availed before us. What I mean to say is, everyone was nude. But the nudeness was nothing when held up against the thirteen step progression of furious relaxation that awaited the accepting spirit who followed its path. A sign directed us and we meekly obeyed: begin with a cool shower; next enter the Biosauna, a cooler sauna with dim point lighting in the ceiling which subtly changed colors while a mesmerizing melody of chirping birds and crickets played in the background; enter the "special shower", so named for the four mysterious buttons, that, when pushed, either doused you from overhead with cool water, sent a painful jet stream of water right at your crotch from several angles, doused you with warm water, or surrounded you with an aromatic mist that smelled of baby powder; then go outside for a breath of chill mountain air; take a rest in one of the reclining chairs with a view of the rugged, snow capped peaks; now sweat in the traditional sauna, with its sweltering pile of hot rocks; humbly take an icy-cold, shriveling shower; rest again; enjoy a soothing footbath; enter the steam room, stiflingly hot and filled with a vaporized inhalant that smelled a bit like Vick's VapoRub; take another icy shower; rest for one last time; finally, relax in the luke warm whirlpool and dip you body under the massaging waterfall in the center while arching your back like a supermodel. Wow. Life is good. I did some other things in Switzerland, like actually hiking through the Alps, eating chocolate, and meeting some of the most amazing people I have ever met (whom I will write more about in the future), but the SPA. That's all I have to say.