It Wasn't Built In a Day

Rome may not have been built in a day but you can sure see it in one. The grandeur of Rome spread out before me like a virulent flu. It was hot and muggy, wet and ruddy, and you just sort of wanted to be done with it already. I know, I know, many of you are probably thinking but I love Rome. Well, some people love rectal thermometers too but that doesn't mean we all do. I started in Vatican City and was lucky enough to catch a Wednesday mass in the square of St. Paul's Cathedral. I saw the Pope, waved in earnest, but not even a nod in return. What an asshole. Whoa, just kidding!!! I didn't wave. Actually it was really cool being there with the square full of people; a pulsing mass of cheering, praying humanity. Next, the Vatican Musuem, home of the Sistine Chapel. Definitely smells like church, lots of paintings on the ceiling. From there I headed over to the Colosseum, which was my favorite part of the day. Standing outside the arena I tried to imagine what the place looked like when it was first completed, but it was tough ignoring the modern-day "gladiators" in their cheesy costumes hustling pictures for money and the guy peddling the "Glad He Ate Her" porno films on the sidewalk. Once inside, the scene changed. Big as a football stadium, its impressive to think that all of this was built before unions and teamsters. I spent quite a bit of time there before moving on. I walked through the Roman Forum (full of ancient ruins), up to Capitol Hill (home to modern political ruination), over to the Pantheon (an old dome with a big hole in the ceiling), across to the Trevia Fountain (predicatably full of water), and finally collapsed on the Spanish Steps (nary a Spaniard to be found) ready for death. Before leaving the following day for Venice I went and checked out the Bourghese Museum, home to a fantastical series of sculptures. Unfortunately I didn't have a reservation (required) and they wouldn't let me in, which I suppose was kizmit considering my earlier promise to never lay eyes on another sculpture that didn't have a giant penis. Not to be deterred, I explored the surrounding gardens and the lovely park before bording a train for my next destination. Venice.