Several Enjoyable Evenings in Bangkok

Bangkok, Thailand. At least a dozen people quipped about spending "One Night in Bangkok" upon learning my intended destination. Besides confirming how spectacularly unoriginal we can be as a species, it belied the subtle impact this simple song has had on our collective consciousness. Given the clear importance of this song to the national psyche, I though it prudent to examine the lyrics for a moment. Here is a standard refrain:

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me

Having now experienced Bangkok up close and personal, I feel singularly qualified to examine these fateful words for accuracy and authenticity. Lets examine what the research has exposed: 

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble


TRUE: I could not scientifically assess the accuracy of this statement off-hand, as I am relatively soft and pudgy. However, detailed analysis has revealed that a simple word-swap can make a likely falsehood into an unassailable truth. As such, one night in Bangkok can definitely make a humble man hard, especially after consuming a truly orgasmic bowl of authentic Pad Thai.




Not much between despair and ecstasy

FALSE: Various studies have confirmed that there is a significant gap between despair and ecstasy. Between these bookends exist such emotional subtleties as anxiety, concern and wrenching constipation, amongst others. Having experienced several of these mild emotions first hand, I have determined this statement to be false.



One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble

FALSE: If the tough were to tumble so easily, one would have to question exactly how tough they were in the first place. Ring-side attendance at a Muay Thai bout has exposed that not only do vicious elbows to the head, knees to the kidneys, and kicks to the face leave lasting smiles on the faces of exuberant fans, but it has also shown the the tough guys invariably wins, and the pansy-assed loser ends up curled in a fetal position clutching his groin. This is indisputable fact.    

Can't be too careful with your company

TRUE: Without even visiting Bangkok this statement can easily be proven true. For example, by carefully managing growth and cutting unnecessary spend, Lee Iacocca did wonders with Chrysler. Conversely, rampant speculation and foolish shenanigans in the energy markets sank Enron quicker than the Titanic.    

 
I can feel the devil walking next to me

TRUE: Though this has little to do with Bangkok and, if my doctors are correct, has everything to do with my schizophrenia. It turns out that having a little devil walk beside you, pointing out everything your Mom told you not to do in Bangkok, is exciting.