It's the...Year of the Tiger, It's the Thrill of the Fight

Khorat, Thailand. In America, February 14th might be celebrated with candy hearts, cupid's arrows and legal reminders to remain at least 150 yards away at all times, but here in Thailand this Hallmark holiday kicked off an event of significantly more epic proportions. That's right, Chinese New Year.

Chinese New Year differs from American New Year in at least one key way: our New Year, with its champagne flutes, midnight kiss and firecrackers, is about as lame and doddering as Dick Clark on barbitu....actually, just Dick Clark. CNY on the other hand, is a bit like watching Cirque Du Soleil orgasm in the middle of a town square with thousands of people cheering it on.

Let me back up a bit. Trekky and I arrived in town late on the 14th. Honestly, I didn't even realize it was it was a holiday until I inadvertantly walked into the center of town looking for some dinner. What awaited me was a spectacle the like of which I had never seen. At the far end of the long promenade, a movie screen was erected to play showings of classic kung fu movies. Next came the food vendors. Row upon row of foods that cannot possibly be pronounced using the English language. I ate several things that crunched, squished and squirted, all to my delight. In the center of the promenade was where the real action took place. The Story of the Dragons.

Ï'm sorry...are you a dragon? No? Then shut the eff up".

From what little I could gleen, two great dragons--each brought to life by a dozen able young men, lit with a thousand glowing bulbs--got pissed at some jackholes who threatened a young girl.

 

  I am so pissed at those jackholes right now"

The dragons got all vengeful and stuff, and began a rampage that could not be stopped--that is, until five men dressed like they leapt from World-of-Warcraft came flying out of the sky with giant swords and plunged them into the dragon. This should have worked, except that real fireworks were shooting from the dragons mouth right at the men, and they soon retreated.

Nothing can be said to improve this picture

A hero needed to be called. The men puppeteering this lengthy serpent next ascended and spiraled the dragon around a sinewy pole, so it could achieve its aim of becoming a 30-foot tall helix of glowing, fire-works spewing death. Oh yeah, and some guy dressed like a hero swung up on another pole, bashing the dragon on the head until it died (that little dude on the stick). Maybe. I think. It was all very confusing.





Finally, the stage erupted in a show of massive fireworks, dancing dragons, beautiful women, a level 70 Tauren Druid and, of course, Dick Clark. It was awe-inspiring. There was a whole lot more but a picture is worth at least 280 more words in this case. Wait until you see the video.

 

Chinese New Year: 1    American New Year: 0